There's a lot going through my mind right now, and so this is one of those posts that will probably be a lot of unrelated thoughts that end up coming together in the end somehow.
I've had a rough two months that have been pretty draining and discouraging. Part of me just wants to give up, wash may hands of all of it, and move on. But as I have these thoughts I'm reminded of a conversation I had with God about a month and a half ago. With that comes the reminder of the events recorded in Numbers 20, where Moses disobeyed God and was not allowed to lead the people of Israel into the Promised Land. I don't want to be disobedient, I won't be, but sometimes I wonder why obedience is so hard, and it just gets hard the longer we journey on.
A lot in my life doesn't make sense to me right now. And I keep asking God what the point of it all is. My mentor and I talked last week and he told me, "God is doing more in you right now than through you. This is preparation for the future." He followed that with some very encouraging things that I keep just for me. And after he said that I was reminded of another walk with God and the one word He gave me then was "Preparation."
As I look at all of that I think back to Sunday afternoon. My wife and I were out with my best friend and his fiance. The girls decided they wanted ice cream and so we went to The Cherry Street Creamery (I'm not big on ice cream just because it's not good for me, but if you're ever in Canal Fulton, Ohio, make sure you check this place out, they only take cash so be prepared for that). For whatever reason we took Rosie, our dog.
As we sat and talked a man sat down at the table across from us and began to unwrap his food. Rosie took an interest and moved towards him. I pulled on her leash and told her, "He doesn't want to share with you," and a conversation began. As he talked with us, God kept telling me to pray for this guy. My wife later told me that she heard the same thing. I had no idea what to pray for him for and so I was trying to tell God that, but He didn't let up. As we listened to him talk he said that he was unemployed, God said "There you go."
I don't know how long the conversation lasted, but as he talked more and more he shared that his wife was on Hospice care for ovarian cancer. He shared with us the story of the treatment and the currant situation. He said that this was one of the first times he'd been out of the house in a while because he hated leaving his wife, but his sister-in-law was there and had made him leave.
He isn't a believer, but said he's envious of them and the peace they have. He said he isn't an atheist and just hasn't figured it out yet. At the end of the conversation I asked if I could pray for him, and he was appreciative. I prayed that he would find a job this week that had benefits, to help with the cancer care. I prayed that his wife would be healed, and that God would reveal himself. That encounter was a highlight for me. It was neat seeing how God works like that if we're simply willing to pay attention and be obedient. If you could, please pray for Matt and his wife Lori, I would be very appreciative.
On a side note, I also found out last week that my friend in Arizona whose son had cancer is now in full remission and cancer free, another recent highlight.
A few years ago God laid on my heart a dream for the future. A ministry team made up of people with the same passion and fire for God, the same general goal and vision of becoming like Christ and building the Kingdom for the glory of God, but with different gifts, strengths, and ministry passions, and assembling them together to transform a community and hopefully in some way the world. It's been one of those that hasn't really gone away, just moved to the side. But over the last few days it's been on the front of my mind. I've started to write out names on a list that I call, "The Dream Team" and I'm praying that if it's God's will it comes to reality.
You know that feeling you had as a high school graduate of wanting to change the world and actually believing it was possible? I had it, and then college happened and part of it was smashed. After college came life in the real world, and there were people that smashed what was left. For the last few years I don't know that I've had much ambition or drive. Part of me has been just existing and making it from one day to the next, and I've hated it. That part of me is frustrated with life, the Church, and the decline of society. But recently part of me has started to once again want to do something about it. Part of me is starting to catch fire again. Part of me is getting the drive and ambition back. That change the world attitude, I think I'm starting to get it back.
I've found that now, as the fire is being stoked it's getting harder and harder to get it to blaze. I think that's usually the way it works. A coal or ember isn't too much of a threat, it's easy to take care of and smother out. A small fire is a little bit more dangerous but it's still manageable. But once it starts to blaze, then it gets out of control and there isn't much you can do about it. Satan doesn't want blazing fires for God, and he knows at that point there is very little he can do about it. So he works extra hard to prevent it from getting to that point.
I'm not normally good at asking for prayer for myself, not even with my brothers. Things have to get pretty bad before I even ask them. Part of it is a pride thing, actually all of it is. It's something I need to work on, or need to have worked on I should say. And so I'm going to ask anyone who reads this to pray for me. I need encouragement right now, and I need endurance to do what God has asked me to do and to do it well. I need the strength and patience to be a good husband, the man my wife deserves. I need protection as the coals and fire are stoked and fed into a blaze that is out of control for God. And above all, I need focus so that my thoughts and plans don't get in His way and slow down His work.
Thank you for all who do. I appreciate it more than you could know.
To God alone be the Glory!
Peace be with you
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