1 Corinthians 13.11-12, revisited

Two years ago today I wrote the blog that has been read the most. At the time I was a single youth pastor in Michigan who thought I knew what love was. The blog post was written in response to something one of the teens had said about these two verses. "When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known."

Over the last few months I've been thinking about it a lot. In that two years a lot has changed. I've gotten married, moved twice, dealt with some rough work situations, had a job that I didn't understand why God was having me do (and honestly don't know that I yet understand), been to two new countries, and taken my first senior pastor role. It's been a busy two years.

In two years I'd like to think I've grown up some more. I'd like to say I'm a better man now than I was two years ago. And I'd like to say I know a little more about love than I did then, I know that I do.

Two years ago I thought I knew about love. There was a girl I was infatuated with. From what I could see she was perfect. That didn't work out, and it wasn't supposed to. I remember that April of 2010, I was coming to the realization that whatever that was was over. At that point I thought I would never be able to feel that way about anyone ever again. That was a childish thought. One day I was watching Brave Heart, and there was a line in the movie that God spoke to me through.

At the beginning of the movie William Wallace is a young boy whose father has just been killed in a battle. That night William has a dream, he is laying next to his father's body. In the dream his father turns his head to look at him and says, "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." In that moment God gave me my heart back. He had set it free, and it wasn't just releasing me from the past situation, but freeing me to love again. My heart came with the message, "You can have this back now. Don't be afraid to give it away again."

I am so grateful for that moment. Because that moment enabled me to love my wife. That September I got a facebook message from a girl I had been friends with in college. I had always been attracted to her, but was never able to pursue her, she was dating someone else. So we became friends, honestly I never thought she would go for me. We had lost touch after she graduated, but now she had contacted me. I told her we should catch up, and as soon as she agreed I decided I would ask her out.

We played phone tag for a few days, but finally connected. At the end of our conversation I told her I would be around Mount Vernon the following week and asked if she wanted to get together. When she said yes, I immediately decided I would ask her out again at the end of the first date if it went well. It did. October 12, 2010 I had my first date with my wife, at the end I asked her out again, she obviously said yes. And at the end of the second date she asked me for a third one (at that point I was like, "Got her").

We got engaged May 7, 2011, and married on August 20. For almost six months now we've been adjusting to life as a married couple. It hasn't always been easy, but in the last few weeks things have been incredible. Situations in life has brought us closer together, more welded together as a unit. I never knew you could be like this with someone else. With her I've learned so much about love.

"When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known."

Love is not infatuation. Love is not just warm fuzzy feelings. Love is much deeper than that, much more than that. "Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails;" (1 Corinthians 13.4-8a).

I think for it to be love it has to last forever. It says that love never fails, that it endures all things. I think for it to really be love it has to last forever. Everything I've felt in the past for anyone else wasn't love, because I no longer feel that way. But with my wife, it's real. There is nothing that could ever happen to change the way I feel about her. Rough times that come up just help us grow closer together, it just makes us stronger and more inseparable. It takes patience and kindness. It takes trust and humility. It requires dignity and selflessness. It must be self-controlled and forgiving. It must focus on what is good and right. It must stand firm in everything, and it must look at the future with hope. Love will last.

I love my wife in a way I never knew I could love a human being. She is the only girl I have ever really loved, and I wish I had never said those words until I said them to her for the first time on November 6, 2010. Love is not infatuation because that doesn't last. Love is not warm fuzzy feelings because they won't get you through the hard times. Love is a suit of armor, it protects you and strengthens you to fight for it. As a child, as one immature I didn't understand this, I didn't understand what all love is, and still don't fully understand. In my marriage I am able to see a glimpse of how God loves me.

God will always love me, no matter what I put Him through. He will always fight for me, always protect me. God has sacrificed everything for me. And everything He and I go through together is just there to weld us together more. There is nothing good that God would not do for me. And in the way that God loves me I am to love my wife.

Ephesians 5.25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,". My wedding ring has stripes engraved into it (http://www.kay.com/ProductDisplayEnlargeView?langId=-1&storeId=10101&catalogId=10001&imgDir=2519&partNumber=251982601&imageAttributes=true&main=true). I got this one to remind myself of the stripes on Christ's back; to serve as a constant reminder to myself to love her as Christ loves the church. I still don't fully know what that means, but I believe it starts here in 1 Corinthians 13.

We have a model of how God loves us, a model of how we are to love God, and a model of how we are to love each other. Marriage is the closest model we have of the relationship God desires with each of us. In it we see in part the love of God; a dim reflection of God's love for us. One day we will know fully when we see God face to face. I used to look at love through childish eyes and with childish thoughts. But as I have truly become a man I have put those thoughts away. I am beginning to see love as it is.

Peace be with you