Attitude Check

This morning God had to check my attitude, and remind me that life is about Him. This morning I saw that one of my college peers has been pastoring a church re-start since November. On Easter they had over one hundred people. I read that and was really frustrated.

I've been at this pastoring thing for almost a year, and I'm struggling to keep thirty people. Everything there seems to be going well, and things here just seem to be getting harder and harder, going from bad to worse. My initial thought was "God why are you blessing Him while I'm going through this?" Part of me was going over everything that my professors, mentors, and fellow pastors have told me and said about me, all of the positive encouraging affirmation they've given.

It's frustrating to have all of that in your head and seeing the results, or lack thereof, that I'm experiencing right now. I've wondered why a lot. I've been frustrated a lot. Honestly, I've been angry a lot. But this morning as so many things came flooding through my mind God gave me a much needed attitude check. He reminded me about how for the last four months I've said over and over, "This is God's church," and "My life exists to give Him glory; He owes me nothing."

Its human nature to feel like I've felt. It's human nature to want to see results and do well. No one wants to fail. No one wants to see things fall apart. Jealousy is human, but it isn't Christian. God never promised success by human standards. He never promised that life would be easy or fruitful in the ways we'd like to see.

This morning as I sat in my office, God hit me with all of that, and I prayed for forgiveness for my attitude. This morning I've seen an area in my life that needs some more work, and so God decided to start on it right then. He had me send a Facebook message to my classmate. I offered some encouragement and genuine heart felt affirmation. As we messaged back and forth for a few minutes he mentioned a need they are facing, and so I prayed for God to meet it. I prayed that God would continue to bless the work that is being done there.

I began to think about my attitude in the future. If this happens again, my immediate response needs to be prayer for that person. Pray that God would continue to bless the work that He is doing. It's God's church, and it's God's work. He can bless who He wants, and bring fruit where He wants. As I was talking to myself, working through all of this, the words Paul wrote in Philippians 1.15-18a came to my mind.

"Some, to be sure, are preaching Christ even from envy and strife, but some also from good will; the latter do it out of love, knowing that I am appointed for the defense of the gospel; the former proclaim Christ out of selfish ambition rather than from pure motives, thinking to cause me distress in my imprisonment. What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed; and in this I rejoice."

Paul is sitting in prison and there are people taking advantage of his imprisonment to build their own reputations. But Paul isn't concerned at all with reputation; his attitude is joyful because no matter what the motivation of the people is, the message of Jesus is being proclaimed. Paul didn't care who was being successful or who was bearing fruit, so long as people were being told about Jesus.

That is the attitude I want to have. As long as Christ is being proclaimed I want to rejoice. No matter who is doing it, no matter what Church is growing and what ministry is being blessed with fruit, as long as Christ is being proclaimed I want to rejoice.

If I fail to rejoice I fail to glorify God, and I'm a hypocrite. If I fail to rejoice over His work being done by others, then I fail to do the one thing I've been given life to do. If I do that, then I've made life about me. It's ok to be frustrated when things don't go well, but not to the point where we hate to see others do well just because we aren't.

Honestly, this is a blog I didn't really want to write. No one wants to show off their mistakes, failures, and short comings. But life isn't about me looking good and pretending to be perfect. Life is about glorifying God. I want God to be glorified in my life. I want to live solely for His glory and I want to rejoice over all that He does, no matter what is happening where I am.

God fill me with your Holy Spirit. Cleanse me of pride, and empower me to rejoice over what You are doing for Your Kingdom. I thank you for the opportunity to serve you, and I ask that you will use me to bring You glory, no matter what that means for my life.

To God alone be the glory!

Peace be with you