This year has been an emotional roller coaster, and it's only the beginning of March! January felt like I was taking one beating after another, like things were going from worse to impossible. February seemed to bring a break, things were going really well. Some problems were positively resolved, my wife and I celebrated our six month anniversary and had really been growing closer and really beginning to figure out how to work together in marriage. And then at the end of February I got some news that a crucial couple at church is moving to take a new assignment. At first I was ok, but in the last week things have started to get complicated again.
They aren't leaving with anger or on a disagreement. It hasn't been an easy decision for them, but it's a decision they've had to make. God is calling them to another service. As my mentor told me when we talked "God is reallocating His resources, the Kingdom is not being slowed down."
For the first week I handled the situation really well. I had moments of uncertainty about the future, but there was trust behind all of the uncertainty. And then yesterday happened. I won't lie, for the last few days I've wasted a lot of time, and haven't spent the one on one time with God that I really need. That's a big reason why I've reacted as I have.
Yesterday, for some reason, I just wasn't feeling that great. I got some news about a project that has slightly changed, and it was frustrating and a little disheartening. Then I was reminded about the big gap that was going to be at church, and finally, the Colts released Peyton Manning. I can't believe that messed with me, but it did. (I only watch professional sports because I like Peyton Manning; I really believe he's the greatest quarterback ever to play the game.)
I was just down yesterday, and it carried over into last night and even this morning. I look at the situation I'm in, and I see things seeming to fall apart. For one reason or another people are leaving the church here. None of it has been anything personal, it's just been people's life situations, but it's still discouraging. I look at it, and it worries me, at times, for the future.
And then this morning, I'm lying in bed, not wanting to get up (a rarity for me, I'm a morning person), and my wife who is well aware of all of my frustrations says she hates it when I don't trust. She reminds me of how great my attitude was last month when I just trusted God totally. She reminds me of how content I was with life last month when I just trusted God completely.
As she says this she reminds me of the young couple that has been faithfully attending since the beginning of the year. With this I've been thinking about the different things that I'm getting the opportunity to do in the community. I was able to help with the varsity wrestling team at the local high school, and got to begin to build relationships with the athletes and a few parents. I'm getting to put together a community prayer event for the National Day of Prayer on May 3. I've gotten to build relationships with the school superintendent, the owners of the local coffee shop, and the doors are being opened to build relationships with other leaders in the community.
With this I'm reminded of something my District Superintendent told me, "You are hear because this is where God has placed you for now." I think back over the things I've read and preached this year: God owes me nothing, I exist to give Him glory; I must suffer for Christ's sake, and the suffering might last a while; The results are up to God all I'm responsible for is to be faithful to Him; God honors those who are faithful to Him.
God is at work here, not in the way I thought He would be, but God is at work. And so the question is, do I trust God? More, do I choose to trust God? Do I believe the things that I've proclaimed to others? Do I believe what men who have walked with God for decades are telling me and encouraging me with?
I want to trust. God forgive me for my failure in this area. Let my first response always be to come to You in prayer, not to panic. Through these different trials strengthen my faith in You. May I always live solely for Your glory, use my life to build Your Kingdom.
To God alone be the glory!
Peace be with you
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