It is now Monday, and I think I've finally recovered from the weekend. I didn't realize how much energy I had expended until I was still worn out yesterday. On Saturday I had the privilege to take part in the wedding of one of my brothers. It's a wedding I've seen coming since I first saw him talking to his now wife back in the fall of 2008. On Saturday August 11, 2012, they proved that I was right by joining their lives together as husband and wife.
For one of, if that the, first times I was at a wedding and I felt nothing but joy and happiness for the couple. For a long time weddings depressed me. As I got older and saw friends get married as I was still single it was hard. I was happy for them, but it was hard. But this time my wife was sitting in the congregation. My sadness and longing for my best friend, the my ezer kenegdo, is over. And I have been freed to simply celebrate with my friends, and share in their joy.
As I watched the ceremony unfold I was filled with joy. But at the same time I was also challenged. I listened to the challenges given to the couple, to the instructions that were shared from scripture, and the wisdom that came from men with years of marriage experience. And as I listened my mind went back to my own wedding, and the simple word I was given from my mentor.
He kept it simple, knowing that most of what he said in that moment would be forgotten. He asked us each to remember a single word. Mine is cherish. I say is and not was because it is still a word I need daily. Everyone told me that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Everything is new, there is so much adjusting and learning. Everyone says if you make it through the first year you're good. I don't believe that's true because we have divorces that take place after decades of marriage. I can't say that the first year is the hardest because, for one more week I don't even have that much time in it. But I can say that the first year is rough.
We've made it, sometimes simply through the stubborn refusal to quit, but we've made it. We've committed to be together until one of us dies. It's a vow I made before God and it is a vow I will keep. But I don't want to just make it. I don't want to just stay together because I don't want God angry at me for getting a divorce. I married my best friend, and I want to enjoy and live the rest of my life with her. And the one word that my mentor gave me fifty-one weeks ago today is how that happens.
The word cherish is one that I haven't always done the best with during this first year. There have been times I've been impatient, angry, probably even mean, and I hate that. As I listened Saturday afternoon, my mind began to think about all the ways that I have failed to cherish my wife.
Ephesians 2.25-31 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
I am to love my wife and cherish her. I've taken up gardening and my wife says I need to treat her like my plants. I need to care for her so that she can grow and blossom into a beautiful rose. I want my wife to be everything you can be. I want her to blossom. I want to cherish and love her as the princess she is. I never want to tear her down or make her cry. I don't ever want to cause her pain.
I want to love my wife as Christ loves the Church. I want to sacrifice so that she can live life to the fullest. I want to enjoy life with her, not at her expense. I want to help her grow into who God created her to be, and walk the journey to His throne hand in hand, side by side.
My prayer is that my brother will learn this early and avoid some of the mistakes I've made in my first year. My prayer is that many will learn this, that they will be the men, the husbands God has called and allowed them to be. If God has blessed you with a wife, treat her well. Proverbs 18.22 declares, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD." She is a gift from God, treat her like it.
To God alone be the Glory!
Peace be with you
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