Blessing of the Wilderness, Remember

Part of the reason, actually most of the reason, I've been doing this series on the blessings of the wilderness, is because currently I find myself there. It hasn't been an easy couple of months. I've dealt with depression, discouragement, and doubt. As I've written about the wilderness my hope has been that if I spent enough time on the positives it would start to sink in.

In some ways it has. I feel more rested, but right now it's at the point of restlessness. I'm ready for what is next, and just wanting for God to open the door. I also feel that my wife and I have regrouped. In this we've felt very alone, but in that we've grown closer together. We've been amazed at how much we've learned.

As far as receiving goes, we've seen God provide. My wife got a raise, moved to full time, and was able to pick up benefits at work. I've been doing some side work for my uncle which covers the gas to drive up there and gives us few dollars, but more than that it gets me out of the house. My call in life has been refocused during this time as well. For a long time I thought I was supposed to be a lead pastor, and after this last experience I wasn't sure I really wanted to go that route anymore. But in this time I saw a job post that is focused specifically on my gifts, skills, and passions. I sent a resume and don't know if that door is going to open, but at the very least it's shown me where God is leading me at some point in the future.

I don't know that the revival part has happened yet. Yes I have had some good thoughts that have been shared here, (some haven't come out as well as they've been in my head), and God has really helped me to be so much for focused on simply building the Kingdom in whatever is next. And I've done some reflecting. Reflected on what I've experienced in this last assignment, reflected on a lot of the things that people have told me to affirm me over the years.

But for me the biggest thing that I've had to focus on is the wilderness as a place to remember. As I said I've been dealing with depression, discouragement, and doubt. I've wondered what the heck is wrong with me? Why do I keep getting stuck in these situations where I'm forced out due to a lack of finances? Why is God making it so hard for me to do what He's called me to do? It's rough at night sometimes, and other times it doesn't get any better when the sun comes up.

The last Sunday of August we were at the church my mentor pastors. His sister-in-law had passed away that week and he shared about being in the valley, something I can easily relate to at the moment. But the thing he said that has really stuck with me is this, "It is in the valley that our witness is the strongest. It is in the hard times that people see Jesus in us the clearest." It hasn't been easy, I haven't done the best job all the time, but I'm trying to trust Him. I want people to see my life and know that God provided, that God brought us through this.

And as I've journeyed in the wilderness these last several weeks, God has been trying to remind me who I am. There is a song I've been listening to a lot by Jason Gray.

When I lose my way,
And I forget my name,
Remind me who I am.
In the mirror all I see,
Is who I don't wanna be,
Remind me who I am.
In the loneliest places,
When I can't remember what grace is.

Tell me once again who I am to You,
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You,
That I belong to You.
To You.

When my heart is like a stone,
And I'm running far from home,
Remind me who I am.
When I can't receive Your love,
Afraid I'll never be enough,
Remind me who I am.
If I'm Your beloved,
Can You help me believe it.

Tell me once again who I am to You,
Who I am to You, whoa.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You.
That I belong to You.
To You.

I'm the one you love,
I'm the one you love,
That will be enough,
I'm the one you love.

Tell me once again who I am to You.
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You,
That I belong to You, oh.

Tell me once again who I am to You.
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You,
That I belong to You.
To You.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKyY8zfjBMQ)

No matter where I am, I am God's beloved. No matter what I go through in life, I belong to Him. Sometimes He has to take us to the wilderness for us to remember that. Sometimes He has to take us to the place where He is all we have for us to realized He is all we really need. The wilderness is a place to remember.

I know that I'm not the only one here. And I know that there are many who are dealing with doubt, battling depressions, and facing constant discouragement. Remember, YOU belong to Him. You are His beloved. Remember.

To God alone be the Glory!

Peace be with you